Monday, March 29, 2010

I havent blogged in ages. But today, as i worshipped. I felt God really speak to me. He revealed to me a chapter i never truly had understanding off.

Last night i was speaking to my cousin during dinner. She told me how much her boy meant to her, and how she could not lose him. I remembered, for three and a half plus years, i felt exactly the same about Julie. Than tragedy happened. We actually broke up. I remembered i missed her and wanted her back so much. During that time, the Holy Spirit was my comforter. As i sought after Him, as i trusted Him. God worked a miracle, even faraway in Thailand, circumstances swung in my favour, eventually i won her back. And i realised, my relationship with Julie is a subset of my relationship and walk with God, His vision, purpose & direction for my life. Not the other way round.

So this verse came to my mind. "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." We, or at least i used to wonder, does that mean i m gonna be a martyr, or someone is gonna stone me to death for my beliefs and i m gonna receive reward in heaven or i m gonna amazingly be resurrected by the power of God? I realise today, its more about consecration than anything else. I spent years of my life, holding on to things, chasing things that i could so easily have lost to circumstances, change, time. I m under no illusions, these things happen in life. Not that i dont love them or treasure the people & possessions that i have been blessed with, but i acknowledge i might not have them forever. But when i turned to Him, offered it all up to Him, i received more than i could ever imagine. Wad i could not understand as a 17 year old, i finally undertood.

So i decided to read the part of Matthew chapter 10 which this verse appeared in. The next part, was new to me.

Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to ‘set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and ‘a man’s enemies will be those of his own household.’[e] He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.

Maybe some of us used to think. These verses mean, after i become a christian, i will ignore my parents & wad they say because they will become our enemies. I will listen to God and no one else. Or that becoming a christian will estrange ourselves from our family and we must go far far away to pursue wad God wants us to pursue. BUT that is completely utter rubbish.

When we live for Christ, we start to chase visions and dreams. Wad this passage presents instead is the realism and a foreword, that sometimes those closest to us, can be those hu least support us, because they do not understand. Just because they dont, doesnt mean that we abandon our dreams, abandon our vision, abandon our purpose.

Does that mean, we argue, scream, shout, run away from home then? Certainly not! We read on and it says 'he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me.' Then we go, God, ur really funny. Or singaporeans would go, God, you very funny leh. Wad do u mean, first my family is my enemy, and if i love them more than u, i m not worthy, now dont carry cross also not worthy. HUH?! we dont understand.

Wad the word says is that, those closest to us, those hu mean alot to us, will not always understand when we pursue the dreams, visions & purpose that God has set for us. For us to abandon our dreams because of that, is something we shouldnt do. However, we dont come against those closest to us. But rather, carrying the cross is carrying the burden and hardship of loving Him fervently and loving people wholeheartedly. Its a tough thing to do, that we can only accomplish through His grace and strength. Each day, we continue to pursue our dreams, our visions and purpose, we continue to love those closest to us, respect those closest to us, build relationships with those close to us, even when they do not understand, even when they do not support us. and like Jesus, we strive on, carrying the cross, we strive on, to win their support, to win their salvation, the way Jesus won our hearts.

|cowpoo| 1:06 PM|

------